Are you Addicted to Love?

 

What is an Addiction to Love?

Being addicted to love means having on overwhelming need for adoration, attention, recognition and even physical touch. This is coupled with the initial rush of having these needs met by an individual or “new kid on the block so to speak.” The deep emptiness that the individual holds is now being filled, which gives a great sense of relief, and this is not unlike any other type of addiction pattern.

Woman trying to kiss a man desperately

Chasing a new target becomes the drug of choice used to medicate that which we do not know how to address or overcome ourselves by truly loving, supportive means.

Unfortunately this initial high is short lived, as those intensity of feelings cannot be maintained, what was once the greatest love story ever quickly descends into a horror movie of co-dependency, insecurities, controlling type behaviour, emotional, mental or even physical abuse patterns, constant bickering and fighting, and of course the barrage of text messages or calls.

What is happening here is the demand within the individual that is no longer being met at the level that is required to give them relief, so desperate and demanding type behaviour begins to surface. This type of behaviour incites feelings of guilt and unworthiness in both individuals. Unfortunately this sort of relationship can be very difficult to break away from.

So what is love?

The question here really needs to be – “was this really love in the first place or something else?” From what my understanding of what love is, it is certainly something else! I understand love to be a gentle and unimposing way of being, that is compassionate and deeply caring and accepting of others. Love is who we are not something we do or get from someone else. Love is an expression that we share. Love is complete and full and totally without need.

How to overcome this addiction?

To overcome this pattern we need to start with honesty. By being truly honest with ourselves it will direct us to finding true answers and ultimately true healing. I feel it is important to get some support, someone we feel we can trust and open up to; a professional and experienced therapist is geared to provide the kind of support needed here and is one of the best ways to go.

Any type of addiction has a pattern that needs to be identified and broken and replaced with new more loving ways of being. The bottom line here is to overcome your addiction to love you must start to love yourself first, where there is no self-love there is an emptiness and this is what drives the addiction.

There are many reasons for the lack of self-love but is usually comes from not being loved, respected and met for who we truly are from a very young age, we then hold onto these hurts, shut down, create false beliefs about ourselves and decide that all people cannot be trusted, the world cannot be trusted.

We stop expressing from the love that we are deep down, we instead express from our hurts and live in protection and simply do not live in a loving way with ourselves or others.

So right there creates a deep well that must be filled, so if it cannot be filled with true love anything else will do that gives a sense relief, even if short lived, so we confuse what gives a relief as being the answer, thinking it is love which it surely is not in this case. Take the time to build your relationship with self one that it is solid and true, and based on love, then we can go forward and build that with another.

Why am I so Anxious when it comes to Making Love?

 

If you struggle with feeling relaxed and at ease when your intimate with your partner you are not alone.

Many women more often than not silently battle with these feelings regularly. They feel confused, they know they love their partner and want to be with him, love spending time together, and just feel very comfortable in his company, naturally. But when it comes time to get amorous things begin to get a little frosty. He wants to connect with the woman he loves but he begins to feel the metaphoric door begin to close.

She starts to make excuses; I have a headache, its too hot, it’s too cold, the children may come in etc. he gets the drift, she simply doesn’t want to make love. For him, this is straight out rejection something that cuts deep, he may start thinking “if she really loved me it wouldn’t be this way….” So what is really going on for her?

o-YOUNG-WOMAN-UPSET-facebook

Most commonly women suffer from lack of self worth and even self loathing issues that plague them.

From not being met for the amazing beings they are as little girls to being bombarded constantly by images and ideals in the media, which are impossible to live up to. Women learn from a very young age they will be loved and adored for what they do as opposed to who they are. Very quickly they begin to lose themselves to a world of unrealistic ideals and beliefs they struggle to live up to or rebelliously oppose.

We as women, begin to disregard our true knowingness deep within in favour of what we believe the world wants us to be, its in this state of disregard we begin to lose touch with our essence, our worthiness, our preciousness.

We become hardened and disempowered, slowly building resentment against what we think we have to do to be loved and accepted.

To manage these unpleasant feelings we find activities and behaviours to numb and bury what we do not want to feel, such as smoking, drinking alcohol, chocolate, online shopping, or addictions of any kind. These activities will contribute to self esteem issues and feelings of not being good enough and even self loathing.

We simply do not feel good in our bodies anymore.

Along comes Prince Charming wanting to sweep us off our feet and the last thing we want to have happen is to take our clothes off especially with the lights on! So how do we overcome this. We know we want to want to make love and connect but there is something stopping us, just frustrating for everyone involved.

What is needed is for the woman to come back to herself. Within every woman is an inner essence of great beauty and wisdom.

Its about taking time to listen to our hearts which will always tell us what is true for us and what is not. Our minds have a great ability to lead us off track particularly if we are sold out to ideals and ways of being that are found outside ourselves. Its about being present with our bodies, with our thinking in alignment with what we are doing which is simply a state of mindful presence.

Take time out for you, lovingly prepare nourishing food that will support your body, go to bed early, exercise and most of all rest if you need to.

By treating yourself in a loving and nurturing way, your feelings of worth will begin to heal.

stock-footage-young-lovers-in-the-bed-focus-on-their-hands

 

You are gorgeous and amazing deep down. You are not your past experiences or your past choices, the essence of you will never change, it is divine and eternal. So take time to be gentle and kind to you and build a foundation of love that will support you.

Opening up to your man and making love will be something you will look forward to as it becomes a celebration of you, of him and the love that you share.